Where to Begin

Where do I begin.....I became a mommy to an angel in 2002 at the age of 20. I lost my first baby a week after I got married. I don't know if the baby was a boy or a girl. I feel that the baby was a girl. She passed away at 16 weeks gestation. I didn't get pregnant again till 2005. I had a normal pregnancy until my 20 week ultrasound where we found out we were having a boy and that he was measuring way smaller than he should have been. The doctors were not sure why so the scheduled me for an amniocentesis to try to better determine what was wrong. Well it didn't tell them anything, so we just had to wait it out until he was born. I was scheduled for a c-section on February 1, 2006. At 9:04 a.m. my sweet Drake Alexander made his appearance into the world. He didn't cry and I only got to see him for just a brief second before they took him to the NICU. The doctors finished stapling me up and as they were wheeling me to recovery they took me by the NICU to see him. I had to stay in bed the whole first day but after that I was down in the NICU visiting Drake as much as I could. The doctors told us that Drake had microcephalic osteodysplastic primordial dwarfism (this means Drake's brain did not develop past that of a 10-15 week old fetus, While Drake's body would have been able to live his brain was not developed enough to keep his lungs working. On February 5, 2006 we decided to take Drake off all the monitors and the vent. I carried him into the family room and we all just sat in the room and I loved on him and talked to him while he took his last breath. I don't know what time it was or how long I held him but that didn't really matter at the time. Drake was born and passed away in Fort Worth, Texas but he is laid to rest in Jacksonville, Florida. I held in my grief for a long time until one day I just kinda exploded. I did not get pregnant again until June 2007. I lost that baby shortly after I took the test and found out I was pregnant. I believe I was around 6 weeks. Then I got pregnant again in July 2007. I lost that one a couple days after I found out. I became pregnant again the end of November 2008. We found out at 9 1/2 weeks that the baby has stopped growing and no longer had a heartbeat. The doctor setup a D&C for a week later. I have since then gotten divorced after being married for almost 10 years and I have moved back to Georgia. I have been reacquainted with a longtime family friend and we have been together for almost 2 years and my rainbow boy/girl twins were born on April 18, 2012.